[Jocelyn van Dam]

Eyeluna, there are no words that will ever come close to comforting this type of grief and loss. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable and sharing an experience that holds deep deep pain and suffering. The light that you give off today is enormous and it continues to blow me away how people who have gone through the darkest pits of life somehow have the brightest flame inside.

I am sobbing as I read your story and try to find the words. There is no circumstance where this should have happened. You should have left the hospital with your baby and your medical team did fail you. You should NEVER have experienced physical abuse pregnant or not, the men in your life should be protectors and they failed you as well.

The fact that you left your place of care to travel to the hospital where your preferred doctor was, only to be let down and NEGLECTED over another woman birthing, who was probably a lot lower risk than you are, is absolutely unacceptable. I can only imagine the betrayal and abandonment that you felt.

I’m sorry just isn’t enough, it’s incredibly horrific and unjust that you had to go through this. I am so so sorry you don’t have her with you. I can imagine you have done so much work to navigate through all of this and it shows, by you wanting to protect other woman’s birth journeys and their right to have a safe, informed, dignified birth. This is by definition turning pain into power. You will make an incredible doula as you are already an amazing woman and mother. Ava is still your baby and you are still her mother. Thank you so much for sharing her and your story; I will hold it close to my heart forever. You have a friend in me if you ever want to share anything about her. Sending you love and prayers.