SMC Online Doula Training – August 2026
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Birth story (my 1st reason why)
Birth story (my 1st reason why)
Content warning: This birth story discusses physical violence during pregnancy, traumatic premature delivery, and infant loss.
My daughter’s name is Ava Adaia Huntley, and this is her birth story.
About a week before I gave birth to Ava, I was outside my brother’s house. My brother’s cousin on his father’s side was speaking to me about something I had posted on Facebook. He seemed emotional about the post, and my children’s father came over and joined the conversation. Somehow, the conversation took a turn. My brother’s cousin attempted to punch my children’s father, but instead, his fist struck me. I fell forward onto the ground, landing on my stomach. At the time, I was 21 and a half weeks pregnant with my daughter.
Approximately two days later, I was at the grocery store when I noticed that I was leaking fluid. At the time, I didn’t understand what the fluid was, but I knew something was wrong especially because I was also experiencing contractions. When I went to the hospital, I was told that my membranes had ruptured, meaning that my amniotic sac was leaking. Ava was also breech, and one of her feet had entered my vaginal canal. I was terrified.
I called my doctor, and he told me that he would not be able to try to save my baby at the hospital where I was. Because of that, I left and went to the hospital where he practiced. I remained there for approximately three days. They performed ultrasounds and an amniocentesis to check for an infection in case I delivered early. The day after the amniocentesis, I needed to use the bathroom. Because of the severity of my condition, I was on strict bed rest and was not allowed to leave the bed. While I was using a bedpan, there was suddenly a large gush of fluid into the pan. My children’s father immediately ran to get the nurses and told them that my water had broken.
Before I knew it, I was in intense pain. I was told not to push, and the doctor who had told me he would be there for me never arrived. There was another woman in labor and delivery who was full term and giving birth. She was treated as the priority while I was made to wait. When the medical team finally attended to me, I was told that I was four centimeters dilated. I was instructed to push, but because Ava was breech, her head became stuck. What happened next was the most terrifying, heartbreaking, and emotionally devastating experience of my life. I remember the doctor forcefully holding Ava’s lower body, pushing her forward and pulling her backward while trying to deliver her. The movements were so forceful that his hands repeatedly struck my vaginal area.
When they finally delivered Ava, I was told that she had not survived. My entire body and soul went numb. I could not feel anything except overwhelming pain. All I could do was cry hysterically. I felt completely empty. For years, I blamed my doctor. I believed it was his fault because he told me that he would be there, but he never came. I felt abandoned during the most frightening and vulnerable moment of my life. On April 17, 2016, I gave birth to my daughter, Ava Adaia Huntley, and I left the hospital without her.
This experience taught me how deeply a mother can be affected when she does not feel heard, protected, prioritized, or compassionately cared for. I did not only experience the loss of my daughter, I experienced the feeling that the entire system had failed both of us. Ava’s birth was traumatic, but her life still mattered. She was here. She was my daughter, she was loved, and she will always be a part of me.
Her story is one of the reasons I understand how important it is for birthing people to have someone beside them who listens, advocates, explains what is happening, and never allows them to feel abandoned. As painful as it is to share her story, I carry Ava with me as I continue my journey toward supporting other mothers and families.
- 6 Replies
Eyeluna, there are no words that will ever come close to comforting this type of grief and loss. Thank you so much for being so vulnerable and sharing an experience that holds deep deep pain and suffering. The light that you give off today is enormous and it continues to blow me away how people who have gone through the darkest pits of life somehow have the brightest flame inside.
I am sobbing as I read your story and try to find the words. There is no circumstance where this should have happened. You should have left the hospital with your baby and your medical team did fail you. You should NEVER have experienced physical abuse pregnant or not, the men in your life should be protectors and they failed you as well.
The fact that you left your place of care to travel to the hospital where your preferred doctor was, only to be let down and NEGLECTED over another woman birthing, who was probably a lot lower risk than you are, is absolutely unacceptable. I can only imagine the betrayal and abandonment that you felt.
I’m sorry just isn’t enough, it’s incredibly horrific and unjust that you had to go through this. I am so so sorry you don’t have her with you. I can imagine you have done so much work to navigate through all of this and it shows, by you wanting to protect other woman’s birth journeys and their right to have a safe, informed, dignified birth. This is by definition turning pain into power. You will make an incredible doula as you are already an amazing woman and mother. Ava is still your baby and you are still her mother. Thank you so much for sharing her and your story; I will hold it close to my heart forever. You have a friend in me if you ever want to share anything about her. Sending you love and prayers.
Jocelyn, I truly don’t even know how to thank you for this response. I had tears in my eyes reading your words. Sharing Ava’s story is never easy, but having someone receive it with this much compassion, care, and understanding means more to me than I can explain. When you said, “Ava is still your baby and you are still her mother,” that touched such a deep place in my heart. She will always be my daughter, and so much of the woman I am today has been shaped by loving her, losing her, and learning how to carry her with me. You are absolutely right that this experience is a huge part of why I feel so called to birth work. I want women to feel heard, protected, informed, supported, and never alone during one of the most vulnerable moments of their lives.
Thank you for seeing me, for honoring Ava, and for offering your friendship so genuinely. I will carry your words with me. ❤️
You don’t have to thank me, you are so deserving of sharing your story and to be met with compassion, empathy and open arms every time. I know that your grief may never go away but your heart is expanding every time you share your/her story. I’m glad you have integrated her existence into yours. May her legacy live on through you and all of the women you will touch.
Thank you, Jocelyn. It truly means so much to me. I pray Ava‘s legacy continue to live through the love, compassion, and support. I’m able to give other women. I’m really grateful for your words.
The truest strength lies in you. I teared up reading this, we’re blessed to know such a strong momma. That sweet thing will continue to live on in the hearts of so many more through your word and love. Just through the forum writing one can tell. Breathtaking.
Thank you so much, Hayley. Your words truly touched my heart. ❤️ Ava will always be a part of me, and it means so much to know that her story is touching others too. I’m deeply grateful for your kindness and compassion.
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